Saturday, October 3, 2015

Bullet Burgers: The Martian


  • Plot: Astronaut Mark Watney (Damon) is presumed dead and left behind on Mars during a manned mission. The crew are on their way home when it is discovered that he's not only still alive, but able to stay that way for way longer than he should, thanks to his ability to science the shit out of things.
  • Style: Ridley Scott knows how to make alien planets look realistic and yet unearthly. What I was assuming was Arizona was actually in southern Jordan, maybe because Arizonians would likely recognize it as their home state which would compromise the immersion of the film - so good choice there. For a big-budget sci-fi CG-fest, there was surprisingly nothing that looked rushed or cheap, and almost none of it could have been done practically. So a big step-up from Prometheus. 
  • Cast: Sorry Jeff Daniels, but you're the only one who stood out in a not-so-good way. You looked bored, even half-asleep at times, especially for a character who is supposedly making one tough decision after another. Also for the head of NASA, I got the impression that you had never taken a science class in your life. No complaints other than that, and Matt Damon carries it like a pro.
  • It's kinda like: Interstellar meets Cast Away at a party hosted by Bill Nye.
  • Best thing: The humor is great and it never gets cheesy.
  • Worst thing: The scene where Chiwetel becomes a bumbling nerd scientist and has to draw a line on a map with a black marker in order to have his epiphany. As if he's not able to formulate a thought until he does this quirky thing, and somehow NASA doesn't have that picture on one of their zillion computers. Should have been cut.
  • Also check out: Danny Boyle's Sunshine

Bullet Burgers: Narcos Season 1

  • Plot: I'm a hot-headed DEA agent and I'm gonna narrate the shit out of this manhunt for Pablo Escobar, while also telling his side of the story. 
  • Style: A hard-R, gritty-as-shit gangster fest in the jungle, guaranteed to satisfy anyone's TV blood lust. On top of that, it's also a great serial drama that rarely gets boring.
  • Cast: Mucho fucking gusto. Sometimes a cast of unknowns is the best way to go. the only well-known face is Luis Guzman and while I wouldn't say he 'disappears' into his role, he's still a great choice for it.
  • It's kinda like: Soderbergh's Che meets American Gangster at a party, but goes home with Sons of Anarchy.
  • Best Thing: It's based on a true story, so it must be all true!
  • Worst Thing: It never addresses the irony that Pablo and his mortal enemy have the same last name.
  • Also check out: Jose Padhila's Elite Squad movies. They also star Wagner Moura, the sequel is the highest-grossing Brazilian movie ever, and they are awesome.