Don't Want Me To Pirate John Dies At The End? Make It Available To Me.

First let me just start by saying, I have a fairly large collection of movies. DVDs, Blu-rays, burned DVDs, burned VCDs, VHS tapes...and yes, torrented. The ethics of pirating content is forever ongoing. There are valid arguments for and against it. Regardless of right or wrong, I'd like to think this is a prime example of why people like me download illegally.

I've been waiting for this Don Coscarelli movie ever since the trailer first appeared well over a year ago. I love the Cronenbergian / Lynchian / Aronovskian surreal aspects of movies like this, and so at one point it was my most anticipated movie of 2012. So when a new trailer hit that finally included a release date, my excitement spiked and I think I pee'd a little.

The new "On Demand" release, a.k.a. "Grandpa's Worst Nightmare"

Then this happened. Apparently Magnolia Pictures are appealing to the fans and asking them not to pirate their movie, with a one-minute-long, "anti-piracy trailer".

OK, cool. This isn't Disney or Universal, this is an indie film maker, and indie anything makers need our money to keep making indie things. So since they asked so nicely and tongue-in-cheekily, I guess I may as well pay for this one. 

I use my PS3 for just about everything, making it the default choice. So I jump on the PS Store only to find...

"0 Results Found" is, as always, to be read in the voice of Eeyore.

 Same thing on the PS3 version of the Store. Huh? So I open up Google Play...

Well, fuck. Amazon?

So as it turns out, John Dies At The End isn't available for me to download legally because I live in Canada. 

So Magnolia, listen carefully: My credit card is in my hand. I want to pay you my hard-earned money to see this movie but somebody's stupid ass won't let me. Game of Thrones was the most-pirated show in 2012 because some morons at HBO didn't let anybody watch it legally for months. This is just another case of that, substituting HBO for..who do I blame? Magnolia Pictures? The Canadian Government? Canadian copyright laws? Lawyers? David Wong? I've got a brick inside my giant foam middle finger that I need to throw at somebody's head and don't know where to aim it. I've been waiting for this movie for over a year, and now have no idea whether it will it be at my local theatre on January 25th, or even available in Canada in any format, at any time. Want to prevent piracy? Let us buy your shit. 

And so...