Bullet Burgers: The Martian

• Plot: Astronaut Mark Watney (Damon) is presumed dead and left behind on Mars during a manned mission. The crew are on their way home when it is discovered that he's not only still alive, but able to stay that way for way longer than he should, thanks to his ability to science the shit out of things.

• Style: Ridley Scott knows how to make alien planets look realistic and yet unearthly. What I was assuming was Arizona was actually in southern Jordan, maybe because Arizonians would likely recognize it as their home state which would compromise the immersion of the film - so good choice there. For a big-budget sci-fi CG-fest, there was surprisingly nothing that looked rushed or cheap, and almost none of it could have been done practically. So a big step-up from Prometheus. 

• Cast: Sorry Jeff Daniels, but you're the only one who stood out in a not-so-good way. You looked bored, even half-asleep at times, especially for a character who is supposedly making one tough decision after another. Also for the head of NASA, I got the impression that you had never taken a science class in your life. No complaints other than that, and Matt Damon carries it like a pro.

• It's kinda like: Interstellar meets Cast Away at a party hosted by Bill Nye.

• Best thing: The humor is great and it never gets cheesy.

• Worst thing: The scene where Chiwetel becomes a bumbling nerd scientist and has to draw a line on a map with a black marker in order to have his epiphany. As if he's not able to formulate a thought until he does this quirky thing, and somehow NASA doesn't have that picture on one of their zillion computers. Should have been cut.

• Also check out: Danny Boyle's Sunshine

Bullet Burgers: Narcos Season 1

• Plot: I'm a hot-headed DEA agent and I'm gonna narrate the shit out of this manhunt for Pablo Escobar, while also telling his side of the story. 

• Style: A hard-R, gritty-as-shit gangster fest in the jungle, guaranteed to satisfy anyone's TV blood lust. On top of that, it's also a great serial drama that rarely gets boring.

• Cast: Mucho fucking gusto. Sometimes a cast of unknowns is the best way to go. the only well-known face is Luis Guzman and while I wouldn't say he 'disappears' into his role, he's still a great choice for it.

• It's kinda like: Soderbergh's Che meets American Gangster at a party, but goes home with Sons of Anarchy.

• Best Thing: It's based on a true story, so it must be all true!

• Worst Thing: It never addresses the irony that Pablo and his mortal enemy have the same last name.

• Also check out: Jose Padhila's Elite Squad movies. They also star Wagner Moura, the sequel is the highest-grossing Brazilian movie ever, and they are awesome.

Top five fist fights

This is a copy of my e-mail to Steve and Wes from the podcast Five And Out on www.Oneofus.net. They make weekly top 5 lists and invite their listeners to write in their own and read some of them on the air, so this is my attempt to make that happen. This week (episode 109) they've compiled their top five fist fights on film - so here are mine.


5. Captain America: The Winter Solider - Cap vs Batroc (Georges St-Pierre)

OK so this may not be one of the greatest fights ever put to film, but it speaks to me personally, because I grew up in Quebec learning Quebec French. Hearing it spoken in a Marvel Universe movie by my favourite MMA fighter in a pretty kickass fight scene with Captain America? Fuckin right là.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giBNXb16t3I


4. Daredevil (Netflix): Hallway fight

It's like Takashi Miike himself made it. Long tracking shots are my hot fudge sundae.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B66feInucFY


3. Warrior (2011): Brendan Conlon vs Koba

This is my favourite sports movie, and I prefer this scene to the final fight because I'm all about the underdogs, and because that arm dislocation bit would never happen IRL.

Spoiler alert http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-hkh0eUrfQ


2. The Raid 2: Warehouse fight

Deciding which is the best fight scene in The Raid 2 is like trying to decide who has the nicest boobs at the Miss Universe pageant. I settled on this one but I would just as enthusiastically fondle all of them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COD6GG7WE60

1. Banshee - 'Lucas Hood' vs Zachariah Sanchez

If you haven't seen Banshee and you like action movies, you need to correct this immediately. Almost every episode has an excellently filmed hand-to-hand combat scene, and just about everything else about the show is damn good too. Also boobs! I am baffled as to why it's not one of the most popular shows on TV...oh right because it's on Cinemax. This is one of the best parts of the first season and the best TV fistfight I can think of. There are other scenes from it that I could have just as easily put here but this particular one is the most memorable to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqRPaucl8r4

My 2015 Oscars predictions

What I think will win is in Yellow.
What I want to win is in Red.
If it's both, then Orange.

EDIT 2/22/2015: I got 9 out of 21...I'll take it.

Best Picture
“American Sniper”
“Birdman”
“Boyhood”
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“The Imitation Game”
“Selma”
“The Theory of Everything”
“Whiplash”

Best Director
Wes Anderson, “The Grand Budapest Hotel”
Alejandro González Iñárritu, “Birdman”
Richard Linklater, “Boyhood”
Bennett Miller, “Foxcatcher”
Morten Tyldum, “The Imitation Game”

Best Actress
Marion Cotillard, “Two Days, One Night”
Felicity Jones, “The Theory of Everything”
Julianne Moore, “Still Alice”
Rosamund Pike, “Gone Girl”
Reese Witherspoon, “Wild”

Best Actor
Steve Carell, “Foxcatcher”
Bradley Cooper, “American Sniper”
Benedict Cumberbatch, “The Imitation Game”
Michael Keaton, “Birdman”
Eddie Redmayne, “The Theory of Everything”

Best Supporting Actress
Patricia Arquette, “Boyhood”
Laura Dern, “Wild”
Keira Knightley, “The Imitation Game”
Emma Stone, “Birdman”
Meryl Streep, “Into the Woods”

Best Supporting Actor
Robert Duvall, “The Judge”
Ethan Hawke, “Boyhood”
Edward Norton, “Birdman”
Mark Ruffalo, “Foxcatcher”
J.K. Simmons, “Whiplash”

Best Adapted Screenplay
Paul Thomas Anderson, “Inherent Vice”
Damien Chazelle, “Whiplash”
Jason Hall, “American Sniper”
Anthony McCarten, “The Theory of Everything”
Graham Moore, “The Imitation Game”

Best Original Screenplay
Wes Anderson and Hugo Guinness, “The Grand Budapest Hotel”
Dan Futterman and E. Max Frye, “Foxcatcher”
Dan Gilroy, “Nightcrawler”
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris and Armando Bo, “Birdman”
Richard Linklater, “Boyhood”

Best Foreign Language Film
“Leviathan”
“Ida”
“Tangerines”
“Timbuktu”
“Wild Tales”

Best Documentary Feature
“CITIZENFOUR”
“Finding Vivian Maier”
“Last Days in Vietnam”
“The Salt in the Earth”
“Virunga”

Best Animated Feature
“Big Hero 6″
“The Boxtrolls”
“How to Train Your Dragon 2″
“Song of the Sea”
“The Tale of The Princess Kaguya”
THE FUCKING LEGO MOVIE GODDAMMIT!!!

Best Film Editing
“American Sniper”
“Boyhood”
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“The Imitation Game”
“Whiplash”

Best Original Song
“Everything is Awesome” from “The LEGO Movie” (written by Shawn Patterson)
“Glory” from “Selma” (written by Common and John Legend)
“Grateful” from “Beyond the Lights” (written by Diane Warren)
“I’m Not Gonna Miss You” from “Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me” (written by Glen Campbell)
“Lost Stars” from “Begin Again” (written by Gregg Alexander, Danielle Brisebois, Nick Lashley and Nick Southwood)

Best Original Score
Alexandre Desplat, “The Grand Budapest Hotel”
Alexandre Desplat, “The Imitation Game”
Johann Johannsson, “The Theory of Everything”
Gary Yershon, “Mr. Turner”
Hans Zimmer, “Interstellar”

Best Cinematography
Roger Deakins, “Unbroken”
Emmanuel Lubezki, “Birdman”
Dick Pope, “Mr. Turner”
Robert Yeoman, “The Grand Budapest Hotel”
Lukasz Zal and Ryszard Lenczewski, “Ida”

Best Costume Design
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“Inherent Vice”
“Into the Woods”
“Maleficent”
“Mr. Turner”
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY??

Best Makeup and Hairstyling
“Foxcatcher”
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“Guardians of the Galaxy”

Best Production Design
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“The Imitation Game”
“Interstellar”
“Into the Woods”
“Mr. Turner”

Best Sound Editing
“American Sniper”
“Birdman”
“The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies”
“Interstellar”
“Unbroken”

Best Sound Mixing
“American Sniper”
“Birdman”
“Interstellar”
“Unbroken”
“Whiplash”

Best Visual Effects
“Captain America: The Winter Soldier”
“Dawn of the Planet of the Apes”
“Guardians of the Galaxy”
“Interstellar”
“X-Men: Days of Future Past”

I haven't seen any of the nominated shorts.

Eight-Word Reviews: Episode 6: Return of the Redeye

If you name a movie on my Facebook or Twitter page, and if I've seen it, I'll eight-word review it. Warning: I'm honest.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 (2014)

Best Hunger Games yet, despite not making sense.

Nightcrawler (2014)

Outstanding directorial debut. Gyllenhaal might win this year.

The Giver (2014)

Fahrenheit 451 with a different palette. Three stars.

The Maze Runner (2014)

If Hunger Games is Battle Royale, behold Cube.

Predestination (2013)

Good despite massive plot hole. Time-travel is tricky. 

The Congress (2014)

Fantastic premise, but abandons it when cartoons start.

The Guest (2014)

Great suspense & performances, until the cliché-laden third act.

Defiance Season 1 (2013)

Star Trek's political drama meets Firefly's western flair.

Silicon Valley Season 1 (2014)

Proof that The Big Bang Theory actually sucks.

Bullet Burgers: Top 10 Betrayals

This is a copy of the list from my e-mail to the podcast Five & Out on the OneOfUs.net podcast network. They invite listeners to send in their own lists, and they read one or two on the air, so this is my attempt at getting that to happen. EDIT: They read my top 5 on the air!! Click here, play, and skip to 27:30 to hear it.

CAUTION: SPOILERS AHEAD

• #10 - Snatch: Mickey (Brad Pitt) & his crew of pikeys kill Brick Top and his crew, after Mickey, by design as it turns out, does not take a dive for the second consecutive time. One of my favourite 'get up and cheer' moments of any movie.
• #9 - Oz: Tobias Beecher is betrayed by Chris Keller. (discussed on the podcast)
• #8 - Agents of SHIELD / Captain America: The Winter Solder: Members of H.Y.D.R.A. (Frank Grillo, Agent Sitwell, Bill Paxton, Agent Ward) infiltrate S.H.I.E.L.D. and attempt to take it over from the inside; Cap and Nick Fury destroy the agency instead, and the show depicts what happens to its agents afterwards. The same plot twist occurring in two different things at the same time, across the TV-movie dimensional rift? Has anyone else ever done that?
• #7 - Fight Club: Tyler Durden betrays "Jack" (the narrator doesn't actually have a name but is most often referred to as Jack) after taking Project Mayhem too far. Jack then betrays Tyler by shooting himself through the cheek. In the end, it's all really one man betraying himself.
• #6 - Pulp Fiction: Butch betrays Marsellus Wallace by killing a man in the ring and then goes on the run, leading to one of the greatest and most disturbing scenes in any Tarantino film.
• #5 - The Godfather Part 2: Fredo sells out the family to Hymen Roth, receives the 'kiss of death' from Michael, and is taken on a fishing trip.
• #4 - The X-Men universe / X-Men: First Class: Magneto betrays Professor X and forms his Brotherhood of Mutants. For me Magneto is the quintessential comic book villain. I love the 'loosely based on Malcolm X vs. Dr. MLK' aspect of the X-Men story, and this betrayal is what starts all of it.
• #3 - Boardwalk Empire: Eli Thompson betrays his brother Nucky, and it ultimately destroys his life.
• #2 - 2001: A Space Odyssey: HAL 9000 betrays the crew in the interest of self-preservation after they 'betray' him by deciding to shut him off. Can you really betray a computer? Can a computer really betray someone by following its programming? 
• #1 - Game of Thrones: Walder Frey betrays and murders the Starks. (discussed on the podcast)

Eight-word reviews, part Vee.

Snowpiercer (2013)

Awesome, bloody Korean action. OMG the Alison Pill scene.

The One I Love (2014)

Drama? Comedy? Sci-Fi? Impossible to classify. Highly recommend.

I'll Follow You Down (2013)

Osment tracks down dead person. Underrated on RT. 

Interstellar (2014)

Eight words is simply not enough to fully...

Sin City: A Dame To Kill For (2014)

Throws noir out the window in third act.

22 Jump Street (2014)

Proof that Friedberg and Seltzer just aren't trying.

Edge of Tomorrow (aka Live, Die, Repeat) (2014)

Cruise at his sci-fi-iest. Choose a damn title!

Let's Be Cops (2014)

As expected, feels like a New Girl episode.

Tim's Vermeer (2013)

Tim, not a painter, paints an impossible painting.

Review: X-Men: Days of Future Past: Bullet Version: Multi-Colon edition

Story

• DoFP is a sequel to both First Class and The Last Stand. There are multiple references and flashbacks to both movies. At least see First Class before this.
• Does not acknowledge either of the Wolverine films.
• Tried and tested prevent-the-future-apocalypse plot that successfully connects the two X-Men series / timelines.
• Not a whole lot of action for an X-Men movie, but makes up for it with awesome scenes featuring Blink and Quicksilver.
• None of the movie takes place in present day. It phases between 1973 and 2023.
• The only actual time travel is Wolverine's (and Bishop's) consciousness being sent back into his younger self. Somehow Kitty Pryde has this power, which is news to me.
• Glaring inconsistency: Professor X died in The Last Stand, which is not mentioned at any time, even though there are flashbacks to that movie, and both Cyclops and Jean are dead. The same goes for Magneto losing his powers.
• (Spoiler) Quicksilver is the coolest new character, and has the best scene in the film. Story-wise, he nails what they ask him to do, so why didn't they ask him to join the team? I was hoping and expecting him to show up and save the day at the end. 
• New characters: Warpath, Sunspot, Bishop, Blink, Quicksilver, Bolivar Trask, Toad and Stryker return.
• M.I.A.: Cyclops, Jean Grey, Rogue, Nightcrawler, Arcangel, Angel, Banshee, Pyro, Juggernaut.

Presentation

• Effective use of suspense and tension as the glue that holds the story together. Bryan Singer is one of the masters of this; bringing him back was a great move.
• No noticeably bad performances.
• The cinematography is beautiful.
• I was expecting and hoping for at least some mention of the Fantastic Four, since Fox has that as well, but if it's there I missed it.

In the Comic:

• The years are 1980 (present day) and 2013 (the future).
• Largely Kitty Pryde and Nightcrawler's story. But the movie has no Nightcrawler at all, and Ellen Page doesn't have much screen time.
• Kitty Pryde's (not Wolverine's) consciousness is sent back to 1980 with the help of a mutant who actually has that power. Young Kitty Pryde is then embodied by her older self, who is more hostile and soldier-like. This couldn't be done in the movie due to continuity.
• (Spoiler) The end of the comic is very open-ended: nobody actually knows if the future has been saved. Might have made a better ending to the movie.

Final verdict: 4 out of 5 rebar skeletons.

The Filmburgers Podcast Episode 6

In this episode, Phil and I create mouth-noises about the 2013 Oscars, and our favourite and least favourite movies of the year.

Music: "(The Day After) The Farmer Died" by Muffler Crunch

www.mufflercrunch.com

Download Here

Intro - What's New
4:45 - Musical interlude
6:00 - Our #1
12:55 - McConaugHey!

16:00 - Our #2
19:10 - Jeff's #3
23:30 - Phil's #3
26:25 - Break for tunes
27:05 - Jeff's #4
31:05 - Phil's #4
33:10 - Jeff's #5
34:20 - Phil's #5
40:15 - More Muffler Crunch
40:50 - Least favourite movies of 2013
56:15 - Star Wars chat

Filmburgers' 2014 Oscar Predictions

There are a few left out because I haven't seen any of the nominees.

Best Picture

12 Years a Slave

Amercan Hustle

Dallas Buyers Club

Her

Nebraska

Captain Phillips

The Wolf of Wall Street

Gravity

Philomena

Best Actor

Bruce Dern - Nebraska

Chiwetl Ejiofor - 12 Years a Slave

Matthew McConaughey - Dallas Buyers Club

Christian Bale - American Hustle

Leonardo DiCaprio - The Wolf of Wall Street

Supporting Actor

Barkhad Abdi - Captain Phillips

Michael Fassbender - 12 Years a Slave

Jared Leto - Dallas Buyers Club

Bradley Cooper - American Hustle

Jonah Hill - The Wolf of Wall Street

Best Actress

Cate Blanchett - Blue Jasmine

Sandra Bullock - Gravity

Judi Dench - Philomena

Meryl Streep - August: Osage County

Amy Adams - American hustle

Supporting Actress

Sally Hawkins - Blue Jasmine

Jennifer Lawrence - American Hustle

Lupita Nyong'o - 12 Years a Slave

Julia Roberts - August: Osage County

June Squibb - Nebraska

Animated film

The Croods

Despicable Me 2

Frozen

The Wind Rises

Ernest & Celestine

Best Cinematography

The Grandmaster

Gravity

Inside Llewyn Davis

Nebraska

Prisoners

Costume Design

American Hustle

The Grandmaster

The Great Gatsby

The Invisible Woman

12 Years a Slave

Best Director

Alfonso Cuaron - Gravity

Steve McQuenn - 12 Years a Slave

Alexander Payne - Nebraska

David O. Russell - American Hustle

Martin Scorsese - The Wolf of Wall Street

Documentary

The Act of Killing

20 Feet from Stardom

Cutie and the Boxer

Dirty Wars

The Square

Film Editing

American Hustle

Captain Phillips

Dallas Buyers Club

Gravity

12 Years a Slave

Makeup and Hairstyling

Dallas Buyers Club

Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

The Lone Ranger

Original Score

The Book Thief

Gravity

Her

Philomena

Saving Mr. Banks

Production design

"American Hustle"

"Gravity"

"The Great Gatsby"

"Her"

"12 Years a Slave"

Sound Editing

"All Is Lost"

"Captain Phillips"

"Gravity"

"The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug"

"Lone Survivor"

Sound Mixing

"Captain Phillips"

"Gravity"

"The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug"

"Inside Llewyn Davis"

"Lone Survivor"

Visual Effects

"Gravity"

"The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug"

"Iron Man 3"

"The Lone Ranger"

"Star Trek Into Darkness"

Adapted Screenplay

"Before Midnight" - Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke

"Captain Phillips" - Billy Ray

"Philomena" - Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope

"12 Years A Slave" - John Ridley

"The Wolf of Wall Street" - Terence Winter

Original Screenplay

"American Hustle" - Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell

"Blue Jasmine" - Woody Allen

"Her" - Spike Jonze

"Nebraska" - Bob Nelson "Dallas Buyers Club" - Craig Borten and Melisa Wallack